1.(of a person) short and stout.
“her plain, dumpy sister”
synonyms: short, squat, stubby
Player must be active in their sport
No offensive or defensive linemen are eligible
Player must be actually good at their sport
Player can not be named Pablo Sandoval
10. Eddie Lacy
Seahawks running back is so dumpy that the team included an incentive clause in his contract that pays him $55,000 at every successful weigh in for up to seven weigh-ins. It has been rumored he has weighed up to 267 pounds.
9. Jameis Winston
Young kid. Big star. Lots of money. Tampa, Florida. Not a match made in heaven for the summer workout body.
8. Kelvin Benjamin
Benjamin is a monster on and off the field. He reportedly showed up to offseason workouts at 280 pounds this summer and received so much fat shaming that his coach Ron Rivera had to step in and call it “unfair.”
7. Bartolo Colon
We are not worthy of what 44-year-old Bartolo Colon brings to the mound every fifth day- and whatever it is, it’s a lot of it. Colon is close to ending his career, but still hanging around with the Twins weighing well over a biscuit past 200.
6. Sebastian Janikowski
“The Polish Cannon” has been the poster boy for overweight kickers in the NFL for the last 17 years. The original hefty lefty will be moving to Vegas with the Raiders next year which means he is a lock for this list in 2018.
5. Phil Mickelson
Sweet Phil has gone through some rapid transformations throughout the course of his 20 plus years on tour but always returns to his natural state. His legendary final group pairing with Peter Hanson in 2012, was affectionately dubbed “The Battle of the Man Boob.”
4. CC Sabathia
Sabathia will go down as one of the most underappreciated big men in any sport of all time. To last as long as he has at 6’6 and 3 bills is a miracle of modern science. Now keep giving up moonballs to the Sox.
3. Ben Roethlisberger
For the record, here on this day, I am ending the age-old argument of whether Ben Roethlisberger is fat or solid. He’s fat.
2. Daniel Cormier
How this man can fight at the pinnacle of his profession, with the greatest athletes in the world, looking like that…. I will never know. Big Country Nelson a close 2nd.
1. Phil Kessel
“Phil, you just won the Stanley Cup! What are you gunna do now?”
“Get super dumpy.” – Phil Kessel, probably